A new chapter

I’ve taken a huge step. I’ve made the plunge. I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and am taking a risk.

I am taking my blog to the next level and have purchased my domain.

www.talesfrommummyland.com

If you are one my regular followers you will not notice a change. Your subscription to my blog has carried over to my new site. You will still be able to see my older posts and will continue to receive my new posts.

If you are a new visitor to this blog please come check out my new site and all of the exciting things going on over there.

I am following my passion and am determined to take the pain of Mr. T’s health issues and turn it into something positive. I want to share my experiences dealing with hospitals, NICU’s and surgeons, along with all the other every day parts of motherhood. Most importantly I want to give others the opportunity to let go of their pain. I want other parents who have faced health struggles with their children to share their stories. As the words poured out my soul healed. I hope to help others heal themselves as well.

We are walking this crazy journey called parenthood together. Why try to walk it alone if you don’t have to?

Please visit my new site:

http://www.talesfrommummyland.com

If you have a story to share please contact me and I would be happy to share your experiences.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Celebrating my best friend

10 years ago this year I met my husband. 10 years seems like a lifetime ago when I say it but living it has flown by in the blink of an eye. 10 years filled with road trips, movie nights and dancing in the kitchen. It’s been years filled with laughter as well as tears. Today I celebrate 6 years of marriage. We got married, not on a beautiful beach as we had planned, but under a gazebo protecting us from the rain that passed over right before I walked down the aisle. It was a sign of how our life was going to be. Things don’t always work out exactly as we plan but they always work out, sometimes for the better.

Today, in celebration of  6 years of marriage I let you in on 6 reasons I keep him around 😉

1) He loves to cook: Ok so I know in today’s day many men cook. This isn’t 1950. But he LOVES to cook. He will actually offer to cook more often than not.To watch the him at the stove, his face reflecting the joy of what he’s doing a mix of passion and concentration is a sight to be seen. Cooking is his art. He loves to create and I’m happy to sit back and let him take the reins. More importantly he’s a wonderful cook. He’s concerned with the nutrition of our family yet never fails to put out these wonderful meals.

2) He’s an excellent foot rubber: When I say an excellent foot rubber I mean the best of the best. We spend many an evening sitting on opposite ends of the couch, watching movies, reading,  writing or just chatting and you are sure to find my feet in his lap on the receiving end of a nice little massage. I love it. Obviously. For so many reasons. Not only because it feels ridiculously wonderful, but also because it makes me feel safe, and loved and attached to him alone. There is something so personal about having your feet rubbed and no one does it better! Sorry you’ll never know because he’s my foot rubber not to be shared!

3) He is a man’s man: I am aware that I may sound very old-fashioned in this one and I actually do consider myself somewhat of a feminist. There are, however, times when I want the rugged toughness that is my husband. He doesn’t take longer than me to get ready in the morning. He insists on shoveling the driveway. He will take care of bugs.  When someone broke into our garage he didn’t think twice about racing out of the house to check it out (although in hindsight that probably wasn’t the safest reaction). He stands up to the bullying soccer Dad. He will back me up when needed and isn’t afraid of conflict. I am completely capable of taking care of all of these things on my own and have done so for years and years. I may not NEED him to do those things but it is nice to have someone who is not only willing  but wants to take on these responsibilities. He’s still man enough to know that I am better at fixing the furnace and proudly stands watch while I do. I appreciate and love the fact that he wants to take care of me and our family.

4) He takes me to the ballet: Ballet, musicals, Twilight…he has no qualms about enjoying the arts with me (ok ok Twilight may not be considered an art but he did watch one of them in the theatre with me and that begs a shout out!). Not long after we first started dating he bought me tickets to The National Ballet’s performance of Cinderella. I don’t think it was his cup of tea but he took me nonetheless and was open-minded enough to enjoy it. On the way home he commented on how he had a whole new appreciation for the ballet after learning what it was all about. He has sat holding my hand through plays and musicals, watching me out of the corner of his eye, smiling when a performance brings me to tears. He loves it because I do. He appreciates the artistic talent involved, the passion, the beauty. There’s nothing better than a boxer who enjoys the ballet.

5) He is a wonderful father: Watching Mr. C with our kids opens my heart to him in a way that I never thought possible. He is kind and he is patient. He is firm yet he is gentle. He has never shied away from any parenting duty. He has changed the dirtiest of diapers and has caught vomit in his hands. He has rocked a feverish baby all night long and has tickled backs during movie night. When I hear him giggling with the kids during one of their many wrestling matches my heart swells. You can read some more about their playtime here: http://wp.me/p1oMIA-33

There are aspects of parenting that he’s just better at than me. I sit back sometimes and watch him in awe of the impact he is having as a father on my children. I know, in my heart, that I couldn’t have dreamed up a better daddy for my kids.

6) He is my best friend: Sounds corny right? He is literally my best friend. We have fun together. We laugh until we can’t breathe. We joke. We play. Sometimes we are like two kids. I would not want anything other. I can not be with someone who doesn’t have a sense of humour or who takes life too seriously. I want someone who can giggle with me about anything and everything, who can dance in the kitchen and laugh at themselves and I have found that. Road trips, parties or quiet evenings in playing scrabble we have the best time together regardless of what we are doing. We share secrets and he comes first (well ok maybe that’s a tie between two little people in our lives) We are learning about life together. We have endured some very painful moments together and I don’t think I would have gotten through them without him. Life isn’t always a bed of roses. The key to how successful you are is how you handle those tough times. The easy times are well easy. WE have met our share of adversity and we get through it together. I would not want to face life with anyone else. He was made for me.

I can’t possibly sum up why I am so thankful to have Mr. C. in my life in 6 short comments, but these 6 are just some of the things about him and us and our life together that I love. These are 6 things I am celebrating today, 6 years after I promised him my life. We are tied together he and I. Our hearts are tied together by joy and by pain. We have learned to hold each other up when the other needs someone to lean on. We have learned to back each other up and always have each other’s back. We have learned how to be a team. I know, in my heart, that as long as we keep working together like a team it’s going to be us against the world and no one can stop us.

Happy Anniversary my Mr. C. We have a lifetime of memories to create and lessons to learn together and I look forward to each and every moment shared with you.

wedding

 

Ending the cycle of judgment

One of the aspects of parenting that I have struggled with the most is the judgments. Sitting in a room full of people who you know think you should be doing something different with your child is not an easy thing to do. Everyone has their opinions and their beliefs when it comes to taking care of babies and raising children. I know I was warned, that other parents face the same harsh criticism and that I alone have been guilty of passing judgment however that didn’t make it any easier for me to swallow.

There has never been anything as important to me or where I have taken more pride than motherhood yet at the same time I felt insecure especially with my first. At times I feel unsure of myself and facing the judgment of others has always made me anxious.

Over the past few weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about why we judge others. Especially as mothers. Why as mothers, do we ever allow ourselves to cause another mother to question herself in such a way when we know how horribly isolating that can make you feel? Don’t we realize how dangerous it is to judge? How quickly that could be you? You never know what the future holds for you or your children be careful of your judgments because it could come back to bite you.

I’ve come to the realization that most of our scrutiny stems from our own feelings of inadequacy. If you are a parent you know that crippling feeling that you are messing up, that you aren’t being the parent you should be. We have all been there. Agonizing over your choice to formula feed rather than breastfeed could have caused inner turmoil. Maybe you raised your voice at your child because he was dilly dallying when you were already late for work or perhaps you rushed through bedtime stories because you just needed some time by yourself. You aren’t alone. We all do things that cause us to feel shame, guilt and like we are failing, even when some of those decisions are right for your family. These feelings wage a war in our hearts, in our souls and when we can’t own our uncertainties we lose the battle and the war spills outward. Our judgment of other mothers become our weapons to defend ourselves, to ease our own tensions.

Once you stop beating yourself up over your decisions it’s much easier to be accepting of other’s differences. I’ve recently been referring often to the conference I attended, Blissdom Canada, where I heard a lot about kindness. Judging someone else for walking their own path is not being kind and it will not ease my mind over the mistakes that I make myself. I have made a promise to myself that I will be as kind as I can possibly be. I will not allow anyone else’s actions impact mine. I will strive every day to be the best person that I can be.

Since becoming a parent I have become much more accepting. We are all walking our own path. What works for me may not work for you and that’s ok. I may even vehemently disagree with you on something yet I still can recognize that does not make me a better parent. I make my decisions based on what is best for my children, what is best for my family. I assume you do the same thing. We are all just trying our best to be the best parent we can be and owning our shortcomings and mistakes actually make us better parents in the end. This is a daunting task we are facing and it is much easier to succeed if we have support. Don’t make that job tougher for someone by kicking them when they are already down. Let’s make a promise to ourselves to try every day to be a kind and supportive person and I bet our journey through motherhood will become even sweeter than it already is.