I just came across the most amazing blog post that I just had to share! It is hilarious, a little sad and just so true! Reading this post had me in tears of laughter but it also got me thinking, and questioning things in my own life, with my own relationships.
I love to share talent and this is a creative, funny and well written post…take a look, if you haven’t already read it.
How true does this ring in your life?
THe fact of the matter is once you’ve had children your life changes. Regardless of how much you think you will stay the same after you have kids you don’t. Those without kids tend to think they understand that and are prepared for it, but I truly believe there is no preparing you for this. It is a shock.
I feel terribly sad that my relationship with some of my childless friends has suffered since my family has grown. I know a huge part of that is me. Let’s be honest. I don’t have the time to call you as much as I used to. It’s not because I don’t care it’s mostly because my kids can be acting like angels yet as soon as I pick up the phone they go all “Lord of the Rings” on me and it becomes pointless. If I even hear you over the screaming, fighting, pushing and throwing of toys I will not be able to pay attention because I will be too busy trying to prevent my little angels from seriously injuring themselves or killing each other. By the time I’ve put them to bed I just need some quiet time by myself so that I don’t go completely insane and that only lasts as long as I can manage to keep my eyes open.
Nights out are difficult for so many reasons. Again, not because I don’t care or dont’ miss you. It’s because trying to get me to stay up past ten o’clock even on a weekend is difficult. I’m tired, drained and my idea of the perfect night is sitting on my couch in my jammies watching tv, writing or doing just about anything that is quiet and doesn’t require me to do anything for anyone else. My entire days are spent catering to other people; my children, my husband, work, all I need is a few minutes, maybe even an hour to myself to regroup and get ready for the next day. I know it sounds awful but mustering the energy to go out and socialize is a chore and I don’t need any additional chores. Not that I never want to do that again, just not as often as I used to and in a different way.
This brings me to the types of activities that I enjoy. This too has changed. Forget late nights filled with wild parties..it is just not going to happen…for a while! I know you want fun-loving, happily buzzing me to show up every once in a while, but that side of me was left behind in the delivery room. Does that sound selfish or just brutally honest? I am no longer 19 years old. I can not dance, drink and party into the wee hours of the morning and function the next day. This has nothing to do with children but more with age. The difference with me is that I can’t afford to not be functioning the next day because Mr. T. will not understand why I can’t wake up at 6:30 when he’s whispering in my ear that he peed the bed and he’s hungry. Ms. J. won’t care that my head is pounding and my stomach is churning when she delivers the poop of all poops and needs a diaper change while I’m in full hangover mode. I have two full days a week with my children and I’ll be damned if I spend a day of that lazing around the house unable to fully interact with my babies because of a hard night of partying, it’s just not worth it to me.
Long afternoons of shopping still interest me but it will be different. I have to plan them around nap times and feeding schedules. If it’s planned out properly then I can leave the kidlets with Mr. C. and we can have a few hours to ourselves. If plans fall through then expect our shopping trip to be spent pushing a stroller around the mall with a bored toddler who just wants out and will scream bloody murder until she gets her way. We then may spend our time in each store chasing said toddler through racks of clothes trying desperately to ensure that we don’t lose her and inevitably, panick mode will set in, when for a fraction of a section she disappears from your line of vision. The types of stores I may visit might also change. I may now be more interested in visiting children boutiques because they need new summer clothes and this is the only opportunity I have to be in a mall so I need to get it done. While I will still happily accompany you to the same designer stores I used to shop at and now love to dream in, it won’t be my only interest, and won’t be where my purchases are focused.
It just isnt’ the same. No one’s fault. It just isn’t the same.
I understand why you might feel like I am the one who changed, because I did, I had babies. My life did a complete 180. But deep down inside I am still the same person. Maybe if you could just meet me half way then our relationship wouldn’t have to change all that much.
When you get frustrated try to put yourself in my place for just a moment. Try and imagine what my life might be like and try to remember that it has nothing to do with you.
There may be some tension between us because there is some judgement flowing from both sides. You judging me for my parenting and life choices. Judging me because I don’t want to go out anymore or because I don’t call you. Judging me because I talk about my kids all the time, or because it’s difficult to even have a focused conversation with me through the million interruptions.
Me judging you because you don’t understand. Judging you because you don’t seem willing to make any accommodations for me and my life with kids. Judging you because you expect me to be able to come to your party, put my kids to sleep in your bed for a couple of hours while I get my drink on and then wake them up in the middle of the night to bring them home. Judging you because even as you make the suggestion you don’t hear how ridiculous it sounds. Because I can’t help but take your judgments as a personal attack on my parenting.
I wish that our relationship didn’t have to change but it does. To all my childless friends, know that I still love you. Know that I am fully aware of how I’ve changed. Know that it’s possible to maintain our friendship but the path we were on has been altered. Know that I’m doing my very best even when it may not seem like I am. Know that if and when you decide you want to join babyville I will be there for you every step of the way and I will try my best not to say I told you so!