Ok so I admit it…I’m struggling with this whole body after baby thing. Firstly, I’m struggling to lose the baby weight. I am not one of those women for whom the weight just melted off. I remember after having Mr. T. reading all about these women who breastfed and said how quickly the weight came off due to breastfeeding and I thought to myself ‘maybe that’s why it’s not coming off cause technically I’m pumping not actually breastfeeding.” I thought that maybe next time around I would breastfeed and it would come off quicker. Well I am breastfeeding and it’s not coming off quicker! Come to think of it, I read that in an interview with a Victoria Secret model..hmmm I didn’t look like a Victoria Secret model before the baby…somehow I thought that breastfeeding would turn me into a one???
I gained about 40 pounds when pregnant with Mr. T. and was still about 10 pounds up when I got pregnant with Ms. J. I think I probably gained 40-50 pounds with Ms. J. I can’t know for sure because by the end of the pregnancy I started closing my eyes or getting on the scale backwards cause I couldn’t handle the number that was showing up! I can’t fully figure out how I gained so much weight anyways since I threw up EVERY SINGLE DAY for 9 months, but somehow I managed. She’s now 9 months old and I have about 15 pounds to go.
I know that gaining weight comes part and parcel with having babies. I am also fully aware of the fact that I am so blessed that I was able to conceive naturally very quickly not once but twice. I would never give up the feeling of carrying those two beautiful babies around inside me for 9 months. I got to feel their every move, their kicks and wiggles and turns. I wouldn’t trade all that in for the perfect body in a million years. What I got to experience was so much better BUT that doesn’t make the tummy fat and saggy boobs necessarily easy for me to feast my eyes on.
I recently read an interview with one of the trainers from the Biggest Loser and she talked about how she was trying to adopt a child. I thought to myself, how nice, this lady wants to selflessly give up having her own child in order to give another child the chance to have a wonderful start to life. Until I read further into the interview that she said she just couldn’t imagine putting her body through pregnancy in order to have a baby. Ummmm..ok not so selfless…apparently you don’t want to give up your hot body to have a baby but you think your ready to be a mum??? Listen lady being a parent means putting your needs last. If you can’t handle the possibility that your perfect body may not be so perfect how are you going to deal with the other tough, selfless things that parenthood demands of you?
The other aspect to this whole issue is that I’m getting older. I think I’ve come to the realization that…gasp….I’m aging!!!
My hair is greying. I no longer colour my hair for the fun of it, I now HAVE to colour my hair. While I don’t yet have wrinkles I’m getting to an age where I have to start thinking of my skin care routine a bit differently. I admit that after a particularly late night at a club I sometimes used to go to bed without washing the make up off my face!! OMG!! Can’t do that anymore! I now have to think about eye creams and moisturizers and things of this nature.
It feels like this just all kind of snuck up on me and I wasn’t fully prepared for it. So now not only am I dealing with my post baby body but I’m also dealing with the fact that not only am I not a teenager anymore but I’m not even a young adult! I’m a full blown grown up now…and am slowly but surely heading towards old age.
My looks are changing, my body is changing, my style is changing. Cause lord knows I don’t want to be one of those mum’s that walk around squeezing themselves into their thirteen year old daughter’s clothing thinking they look cute! If this applies to you, please..please…please go get your own wardrobe! When you hit a certain age you shouldn’t be wearing belly shirts, tube tops, short shorts or t-shirts that say “Princess” on them…it doesn’t make you look younger. We can all see your not as young as you are trying to pretend you are.
I know my body is not ever going to be the same again, I had two children in two years, but I have to figure out how to love my body again now that it’s changed and I also have to figure out how I can get myself into my best healthiest normal shape without giving up every second with my children to go to the gym.
While this isn’t an easy task it is an important one. I have to be comfortable in my own skin in order to be a good role model for my children, especially my daughter. I don’t want her growing up questioning her own beauty and feeling like what’s on the outside is what’s most important. The fact is that we all want to look and feel our best and as we get older that changes. Here I am into my thirties, things aren’t going to be like they were when I was 17, when I was 21 or when even when I was 27. I have to get a handle on all of these changes so that my daughter can grow up knowing that she is beautiful no matter what. The way to start her on the healthy self esteem path is for her to see her mother with a healthy sense of self.
So here I am, trying to figure out how to get myself back into decent shape and learning how to love myself, mushy tummy, droopy boobs and all!